This week our discussion group watched the documentary film Gospel Without Borders. It consists of the stories of five different undocumented immigrants with commentary by various church leaders who work with undocumented immigrants and their families.
The stories were all different situations. They highlighted different aspects of immigration issues and caused many of the viewers to think more deeply about their position on immigrants and immigration reform.
The film dispelled several myths about undocumented immigrants:
1) Myth number one: They should get in line like those who come here legally.
There is no line to get into. These immigrants are not "breaking into line" ahead of those who are coming here legally. For these people, there is no legal way to come here.
2) Myth number two: They don't pay taxes.
Actually they do pay taxes, the same as the rest of us who are here legally.
3) Myth number three: They use up social resources.
Even though they pay taxes, they are not eligible for most social services. Thus they help pay for these services, but don't receive the benefits provided.
The film was produced by Christian churches therefore it stressed that all Christians are commanded to love and act compassionately towards others, including undocumented immigrants.
All major religions-Buddhist, Jewish, Muslim, Hindu-and others, require the same of their followers. It is my belief that this is a human issue and therefore, whether one is a religious person or not, we should treat the undocumented immigrant with compassion.
What do you think?
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Special People/Ordinary People
There are many people we can point to who are great examples of how we can forgive terrible acts of cruelty and move forward without bitterness.
Nelson Mandela, the Dali Lama, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., and Gandhi are four who stand out in just about everyone's mind. There are many others.
We think of these men as great, even special, standing head and shoulders above the rest of us. And herein lies the problem. If we think they are special, we are likely to believe their benevolent acts are beyond us. The truth is, what they did is within our reach to do also.
If they did it, we can do it also. If we put them on a high pedestal, we take away the significance of their actions. What they did is special because they are ordinary--just like the rest of us.
If we hold them in too high esteem, we won't see the possibility of our having the capacity to do the same generous acts.
Nelson Mandela, the Dali Lama, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., and Gandhi are four who stand out in just about everyone's mind. There are many others.
We think of these men as great, even special, standing head and shoulders above the rest of us. And herein lies the problem. If we think they are special, we are likely to believe their benevolent acts are beyond us. The truth is, what they did is within our reach to do also.
If they did it, we can do it also. If we put them on a high pedestal, we take away the significance of their actions. What they did is special because they are ordinary--just like the rest of us.
If we hold them in too high esteem, we won't see the possibility of our having the capacity to do the same generous acts.
Saturday, September 10, 2011
Dealing With Deep Tragedies
Many people have dealt with tragedies in a courageous manner, choosing to offer forgiveness rather than carry bitterness and anger in their hearts and minds. Phil Cousineau's book Beyond Forgiveness mentions Sauk Chief Keokuk and Jacqueline Kennedy as two examples.
Chief Keokuk forgave those who forced his people on the Trail of Tears and even bid them good-bye in peace, offering to welcome them in his new home should they visit.
Jacqueline Kennedy wrote a letter to Lee Harvey Oswald's widow during the time she was planning the funeral of her deceased husband.
Another fairly recent example that made newspaper headlines was the Amish who forgave the killer of six little girls in their schoolhouse. They visited his widow offering their condolences.
The writer of this section of the book suggests that it is, perhaps, easier to forgive the big trangressions than to forgive the small ones. Certainly there are plenty of people carrying anger over small acts they perceive as hurtful.
Another question we might ask is: "are we responsible for wrongs perpetrated by our ancestors hundreds of years ago?" If we refuse to make amends for those wrongs, are we preventing ourselves, our communities, our country, from moving forward?
Finally, in order to forgive, it helps if we can put ourselves in the shoes of the person who wronged us. Understanding the wrongdoer may be the key to moving forward in the forgiving process.
Lots of questions, not many answers. What are your thoughts? We'd love to hear from you.
Chief Keokuk forgave those who forced his people on the Trail of Tears and even bid them good-bye in peace, offering to welcome them in his new home should they visit.
Jacqueline Kennedy wrote a letter to Lee Harvey Oswald's widow during the time she was planning the funeral of her deceased husband.
Another fairly recent example that made newspaper headlines was the Amish who forgave the killer of six little girls in their schoolhouse. They visited his widow offering their condolences.
The writer of this section of the book suggests that it is, perhaps, easier to forgive the big trangressions than to forgive the small ones. Certainly there are plenty of people carrying anger over small acts they perceive as hurtful.
Another question we might ask is: "are we responsible for wrongs perpetrated by our ancestors hundreds of years ago?" If we refuse to make amends for those wrongs, are we preventing ourselves, our communities, our country, from moving forward?
Finally, in order to forgive, it helps if we can put ourselves in the shoes of the person who wronged us. Understanding the wrongdoer may be the key to moving forward in the forgiving process.
Lots of questions, not many answers. What are your thoughts? We'd love to hear from you.
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Atonement: Proving You Are Sorry
We had another great discussion which was based on the book: Beyond Forgiveness: Reflections on Atonement edited by Phil Cousineau.
Atonement is not a familiar concept to many of us. However, examples of individuals, communities, and even countries abound in which atonement was used to heal relationships. We can learn from these examples.
Archbishop Desmond Tutu of South Africa said that if someone steals his pen and uses it for a year and then returns it and begs for forgiveness "...my response is to ask for compensation for the use of my pen, for the ink used and for some indication of contrition/repentance by the offender."
There are several good examples of atonement in modern books and movies such as Khaled Hosseini's novel The Kite Runner in which the protagonist decides to return to Afghanistan to "make things right again." Movies, in addition to The Kite Runner, that address atonement include Gran Torino; Pickpocket; Mission; Verdict; and Prize Winner of Defiance, Ohio.
There are countries that have shown us how powerfully atonement can work. One example is:
Atonement speaks to our needing to prove that we are truly sorry for the wrong we have done. It shows that our words "I'm sorry" are not just empty words, but rather are backed up by action.
Atonement is not a familiar concept to many of us. However, examples of individuals, communities, and even countries abound in which atonement was used to heal relationships. We can learn from these examples.
Archbishop Desmond Tutu of South Africa said that if someone steals his pen and uses it for a year and then returns it and begs for forgiveness "...my response is to ask for compensation for the use of my pen, for the ink used and for some indication of contrition/repentance by the offender."
There are several good examples of atonement in modern books and movies such as Khaled Hosseini's novel The Kite Runner in which the protagonist decides to return to Afghanistan to "make things right again." Movies, in addition to The Kite Runner, that address atonement include Gran Torino; Pickpocket; Mission; Verdict; and Prize Winner of Defiance, Ohio.
There are countries that have shown us how powerfully atonement can work. One example is:
- In 2007 the government of Brazil created the Amnesty Commission to seek forgiveness from hundreds of victims of torture during an earlier military rule. As a means of atonement, the government also has offered monetary compensation.
- For example a Judge in Atlanta sentenced four white-rascists who burned down a black church to rebuild it. Often such requirements leads to the dissolving of anger and hate between the victim and offender.
Atonement speaks to our needing to prove that we are truly sorry for the wrong we have done. It shows that our words "I'm sorry" are not just empty words, but rather are backed up by action.
Saturday, August 20, 2011
Atonement: Not Easy, But Essential
Another great discussion on Thursday, August 18. One of the thoughts that stood out for me was that atonement means at-one-ment. In other words--being at one with the person who has harmed you. How hard is that? Very.
This means that when I am the victim, I must go beyond forgiving. I must also recognize and feel that the offender and I are one. Emotionally, my sense is that in some cases of extreme harm, such as murder or rape, this cannot and should not be done.
Yet, I know of some rare and amazing people who have done just that--they have become one with someone who has offended them in a horrific manner. And they are better for it. And the offender is better for it. For most of us it is a struggle to get there.
Revenge is not good for us as individuals, nor is it good for our society. If we all did the eye for an eye thing, we would all be blind.
On the other hand, the offender must atone for his wrongdoing. Restorative Justice is a program that requires the victim and offender work together to mend their differences. The offender must take some action to atone for the hurt he caused. The victim has a strong voice in what that action should be. It works. It heals wounds of victim and offender and is better than prisons at preventing repeat offenders. It can work for our larger society as well.
The study guide for lesson one lists seven practices for atonement. (www.beyondforgiveness.org. Based on the book Beyond Forgiveness: Reflections on Atonement.)
They are:
1. Acknowledge the hurt, the harm, the wrong.
2. Offer apologies, ask for forgiveness.
3. Try to make amends commensurate with the harm done.
4. Help to clear the conscience of the offender.
5. Relieve the anger and shame of the victim.
6. Practice compassion for victim and perpetrator alike.
7. Establish a spiritual practice of prayer or meditation.
There is much to be said for atonement and much that we have to learn. It is a difficult process, but we will be better for it. What do you think? What experiences have you had? I would love to hear from you.
This means that when I am the victim, I must go beyond forgiving. I must also recognize and feel that the offender and I are one. Emotionally, my sense is that in some cases of extreme harm, such as murder or rape, this cannot and should not be done.
Yet, I know of some rare and amazing people who have done just that--they have become one with someone who has offended them in a horrific manner. And they are better for it. And the offender is better for it. For most of us it is a struggle to get there.
Revenge is not good for us as individuals, nor is it good for our society. If we all did the eye for an eye thing, we would all be blind.
On the other hand, the offender must atone for his wrongdoing. Restorative Justice is a program that requires the victim and offender work together to mend their differences. The offender must take some action to atone for the hurt he caused. The victim has a strong voice in what that action should be. It works. It heals wounds of victim and offender and is better than prisons at preventing repeat offenders. It can work for our larger society as well.
The study guide for lesson one lists seven practices for atonement. (www.beyondforgiveness.org. Based on the book Beyond Forgiveness: Reflections on Atonement.)
They are:
1. Acknowledge the hurt, the harm, the wrong.
2. Offer apologies, ask for forgiveness.
3. Try to make amends commensurate with the harm done.
4. Help to clear the conscience of the offender.
5. Relieve the anger and shame of the victim.
6. Practice compassion for victim and perpetrator alike.
7. Establish a spiritual practice of prayer or meditation.
There is much to be said for atonement and much that we have to learn. It is a difficult process, but we will be better for it. What do you think? What experiences have you had? I would love to hear from you.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Relationships That Hurt
We had a lively discussion last week discussing atonement and how to grow it in our personal lives. We used information from the website www.beyondforgiveness.org as the basis for our discussion. One important bit of information that came out is that we are all victims and we are all offenders. That this statement holds much truth was made clear in our discussion.
The questions we have to grapple with include how should we react to the pain that others inflict on us. Do we decide to seek revenge, or do we forgive and seek peace? Can we live with those who have hurt us, or do we seek retaliation?
And what do we do when we have hurt others? Do we say, "I'm sorry?" Or do we go beyond just talking? Do we take action to demonstrate that we truly regret our behavior? Do we take action to heal the relationship?
Many personal stories came out in our discussion that demonstrated the strength and the humaness of those present.
Forgiving and asking for forgiveness and going beyond forgiveness to atone for wrongdoing is not easy. We talked about several ways to make us stronger in these areas. One is to refocus on relationships. Pay attention to how we relate to others, what we say, how we act and think. The more we learn about ourselves, the less likely we will need a healing relationship later.
Perhaps you can no longer atone to the person you hurt. You can still do atonement work to heal yourself. Do volunteer work, cook a meal for somene who needs it. Atonement works even if it is not "paid back" to the person who needs it.
In the weeks to come we will be looking much deeper at atonement and the role it can play in our lives.
What is your experience with hurt, forgiveness and atonement? I would appreciate hearing from you.
The questions we have to grapple with include how should we react to the pain that others inflict on us. Do we decide to seek revenge, or do we forgive and seek peace? Can we live with those who have hurt us, or do we seek retaliation?
And what do we do when we have hurt others? Do we say, "I'm sorry?" Or do we go beyond just talking? Do we take action to demonstrate that we truly regret our behavior? Do we take action to heal the relationship?
Many personal stories came out in our discussion that demonstrated the strength and the humaness of those present.
Forgiving and asking for forgiveness and going beyond forgiveness to atone for wrongdoing is not easy. We talked about several ways to make us stronger in these areas. One is to refocus on relationships. Pay attention to how we relate to others, what we say, how we act and think. The more we learn about ourselves, the less likely we will need a healing relationship later.
Perhaps you can no longer atone to the person you hurt. You can still do atonement work to heal yourself. Do volunteer work, cook a meal for somene who needs it. Atonement works even if it is not "paid back" to the person who needs it.
In the weeks to come we will be looking much deeper at atonement and the role it can play in our lives.
What is your experience with hurt, forgiveness and atonement? I would appreciate hearing from you.
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Beyond Forgiveness: Reflections on Atonement
This week in our Sage-ing II class we begin our study of the book Beyond Forgiveness: Reflections on Atonement. While the more pervasive reaction to being wronged is revenge, only forgiveness and atonement pave the way to healing and an end to hostilities. Although these may be the better path to take, they are by far the more difficult.
The message that we must destroy our enemy is all around us. And, to be honest, doesn't it feel good when the good guy rides into town and shoots up the bad guys? But that's not the way it works in much of the world. Who is the "good" guy is not always so clear and his shooting the other guy usually leads to them shooting back. How does it ever end?
As we get more into Beyond Forgiveness I'll post some of the thoughts here that, I hope, will add some understanding of this process. Meanwhile, if you have any thoughts on the subject, I would love to hear from you.
The message that we must destroy our enemy is all around us. And, to be honest, doesn't it feel good when the good guy rides into town and shoots up the bad guys? But that's not the way it works in much of the world. Who is the "good" guy is not always so clear and his shooting the other guy usually leads to them shooting back. How does it ever end?
As we get more into Beyond Forgiveness I'll post some of the thoughts here that, I hope, will add some understanding of this process. Meanwhile, if you have any thoughts on the subject, I would love to hear from you.
Friday, April 22, 2011
New Zealand
One of our members just returned from a six week trip to New Zealand. Our meeting this past week consisted of her sharing stories of her trip and photos of that beautiful country.
But this was much more than a travelogue of a glorious trip of a lifetime. It was also a spiritual journey. The emotion with which she shared her experiences and her inclusion of our relationship and our effort to continue on a path of learning gave me, and I believe in all of us, a sense of our closeness and our shared awe of this magnificent planet.
Her recounting of this very special trip was a gift to all of us, one that will stay with us for a long time.
But this was much more than a travelogue of a glorious trip of a lifetime. It was also a spiritual journey. The emotion with which she shared her experiences and her inclusion of our relationship and our effort to continue on a path of learning gave me, and I believe in all of us, a sense of our closeness and our shared awe of this magnificent planet.
Her recounting of this very special trip was a gift to all of us, one that will stay with us for a long time.
Monday, April 4, 2011
Becoming Compassionate with Ourselves
One of the most important uses of nonviolent communication is learning to become compassionate with ourselves. Without this, we cannot become compassionate with others.
Unfortunately, many of us have forgotten that we are special. Critical ways of viewing ourselves prevents us from seeing the beauty within us and we lose our connection to our divine energy. When we use nonviolent communication to evaluate ourselves, we foster growth rather than self-hatred.
When we are less than perfect, we tend to call ourselves "dumb" or "stupid" or worse. Even if we change our behavior, if we do it out of shame or guilt, it is not a free and joyful act.
If we evaluate ourselves in terms of whether and how well our needs are being met, we are more likely to learn from our evaluation and are more likely to act from energy that is filled with joy.
Our challenge then, when we are not perfect, is to evaluate ourselves in such a way that inspires change in the direction we want to go and we do so out of respect and compassion for ourselves.
I will continue with this next time. Please send us your thoughts on this important topic so we can learn from your wisdom.
Unfortunately, many of us have forgotten that we are special. Critical ways of viewing ourselves prevents us from seeing the beauty within us and we lose our connection to our divine energy. When we use nonviolent communication to evaluate ourselves, we foster growth rather than self-hatred.
When we are less than perfect, we tend to call ourselves "dumb" or "stupid" or worse. Even if we change our behavior, if we do it out of shame or guilt, it is not a free and joyful act.
If we evaluate ourselves in terms of whether and how well our needs are being met, we are more likely to learn from our evaluation and are more likely to act from energy that is filled with joy.
Our challenge then, when we are not perfect, is to evaluate ourselves in such a way that inspires change in the direction we want to go and we do so out of respect and compassion for ourselves.
I will continue with this next time. Please send us your thoughts on this important topic so we can learn from your wisdom.
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Empathy
Continuing our study of Non Violent Communication using Marshall Rosenberg's book, Nonviolent Communication:A Language of Life, the Sage-ing discussion centered on empathy. The chapter begins with a quote from Carl Rogers who states that empathy "allows me to reperceive my world in a new way and go on."
Hearing what another has to say, really hearing, without judgement, without trying to change them, without trying to fix whatever it is, is one of the most important gifts we can give to them.
A few important notes about empathy:
Hearing what another has to say, really hearing, without judgement, without trying to change them, without trying to fix whatever it is, is one of the most important gifts we can give to them.
A few important notes about empathy:
- Usually it is more difficult to empathize with those we are closest to.
- When a person is needing our empathy the most, they are usually behaving in a manner that makes it difficult for us to give empathy.
- When we listen for feelings and needs, we no longer see people as monsters.
- If we empathize when someone tells us "no", it protects us from taking it personally.
- Through empathy, we can defuse violence.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Trip to Buddhist Temple
On Thursday, January 27, 2011 sixteen members of the Sage-ing II group piled into four cars and went to see the beautiful Buddhist Temple in Kissimmee, Florida.
The temple is decorated with symbols of the Buddhist religion depicting various events in Buddha's life. We also toured the grounds where there are a number of small replicas of religious shrines from around the world.
The temple was built from funds sent over from Thailand and the monks are from Thailand. We had the oportunity to speak with one of them who struggled with English, but spoke good enough to give us some information and answer a few questions.
The temple and grounds are beautiful and interesting, well worth the short trip to Kissimmee. If you would like to know more about the Buddhist program in that area go to http://www.watflorida.org/.
The temple is decorated with symbols of the Buddhist religion depicting various events in Buddha's life. We also toured the grounds where there are a number of small replicas of religious shrines from around the world.
The temple was built from funds sent over from Thailand and the monks are from Thailand. We had the oportunity to speak with one of them who struggled with English, but spoke good enough to give us some information and answer a few questions.
The temple and grounds are beautiful and interesting, well worth the short trip to Kissimmee. If you would like to know more about the Buddhist program in that area go to http://www.watflorida.org/.
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