Atonement: Not Easy, But Essential

Another great discussion on Thursday, August 18. One of the thoughts that stood out for me was that atonement means at-one-ment. In other words--being at one with the person who has harmed you. How hard is that? Very.

This means that when I am the victim, I must go beyond forgiving. I must also recognize and feel that the offender and I are one. Emotionally, my sense is that in some cases of extreme harm, such as murder or rape, this cannot and should not be done.

Yet, I know of some rare and amazing people who have done just that--they have become one with someone who has offended them in a horrific manner. And they are better for it. And the offender is better for it. For most of us it is a struggle to get there. 

Revenge is not good for us as individuals, nor is it good for our society. If we all did the eye for an eye thing, we would all be blind.

On the other hand, the offender must atone for his wrongdoing. Restorative Justice is a program that requires the victim and offender work together to mend their differences. The offender must take some action to atone for the hurt he caused. The victim has a strong voice in what that action should be. It works. It heals wounds of victim and offender and is better than prisons at preventing repeat offenders. It can work for our larger society as well.

The study guide for lesson one lists seven practices for atonement. (www.beyondforgiveness.org. Based on the book Beyond Forgiveness: Reflections on Atonement.)
They are:
1. Acknowledge the hurt, the harm, the wrong.
2. Offer apologies, ask for forgiveness.
3. Try to make amends commensurate with the harm done.
4. Help to clear the conscience of the offender.
5. Relieve the anger and shame of the victim.
6. Practice compassion for victim and perpetrator alike.
7. Establish a spiritual practice of prayer or meditation.

There is much to be said for atonement and much that we have to learn. It is a difficult process, but we will be better for it. What do you think? What experiences have you had? I would love to hear from you.